Pillar of Hope
by theSimmeringSun
Summary: To Drifter, Guardian was a strong pillar.
1. Chapter 1

When Drifter sees Guardian, the first thing that comes to mind is hope.

To Drifter, Guardian was the embodiment of hope. When he saved Drifter and provided him shelter in the midst of another attack from his illness, that was hope. When he suggested that Drifter stay at Guardian's place whenever he wants, that was also hope. Hope that there was something left in this shambling world filled with blood, gears, and more blood.

Drifter had never been one to feast so much on hope. Like an adult too prune to eat desert, he looked the other way when the slivers of hope came across to him. He was a ticking time bomb and hope had no place in his world. Until that one fateful night.

He had just finished getting four modules from the east. He had pockets full of gearbits and a stomach devoid of food. His legs ached and begged for him to stop and rest but he kept on making his way back to Central. He wondered if any of the townspeople would mind very much if he were to sleep outside under one of their trees. He felt a bit safer if he were to rest near them since they all seemed like nice people, but he didn't really trust them enough to sleep too close.. Plus, Guardian's home was nearby. Not that it mattered of course.

Drifter let out a sigh of relief as the view of the town came into his vision. He drifter over to the nearest tree and slumped down against the trunk. He was starving and a bit cold but he could rest and that was all that mattered. Until a few plops were heard from above.

"Please no..", Drifter begged out loud.

A few plops of water turned into more and more until it was pouring heavily. The tree that Drifter was under was enormous, but the leaves were thin and did nothing to keep the treacherous rain from pouring onto him.

His teeth chattered lightly and he pulled his soaking coat closer around him in a futile attempt to stay warm. He closed his eyes and willed himself to rest. Rain? That wasn't so bad. He can totally sleep through rain. But after two hours the sweet release of sleep never came.

His chattering teeth stained red as another one of those awful but familiar coughs tore through his body. His vision went fuzzy as he shivered violently.

Drifter was so out of it that he didn't notice a figure approach him.

"I thought I told you that you were welcome in my home.", A familiar voice told him.

Guardian stood before him, tall and strong, like a pillar. It put him off the first time Drifter saw him. He was at least a foot taller than the man.

He looked sort of angry even through his helmet.

"S-So you did.", Drifter says back while trying to force himself to stop shivering to no avail.

"And yet here you are, sitting out in the pouring rain.", Guardian says. "I will not force you to come into my home but I do encourage it.

"I am fine out here. I-", Drifter says but is interrupted by a sharp cough that seems to pierce his lungs. Guardian is not startled by Drifter's cough.

"You are not fine. But as I said, I will not force you to come inside. I can't reiterate enough how welcome you are in my home though.", Guardian says. Guardian turns around and walks away and Drifter mourns the loss of that company. He felt so cold and hungry.

He stubbornly waits a couple minutes before he stands up and walks over to the man's home.

He walks in silently, feeling a pang of regret as his wet coat leaves water droplets on the floor.

He sees Guardian sitting at the table, almost as if he were waiting for Drifter to come in.

"You can leave your coat by the door.", Guardian said. His voice sounded relieved that Drifter was even there.

Drifter thinks about turning around and bolting out the door for a moment but the threat of that bone-chilling rain keeps him put. Guardian seemed like a person who could be trusted and that scared Drifter. He couldn't remember the last time he actually trusted someone. He takes off his coat and leaves it by the door.

He's still shivering as he takes a few more steps in and plants himself on a spot besides the table.

"Come sit down. I'll heat you up some soup.", Guardian says and Drifter does so.

He watches the other man ladle some soup in a bowl and place it before him.

"Thank you.", Drifter mumbles. He hesitantly takes the spoon and eats a bit of the soup. As soon as he took that first bite, his hunger seemed to explode. He became a ravenous machine as he ate the soup with no remorse.

"When was the last time you ate.", Guardian says concerned. Drifter forces himself to stop and feels his face go red at the display he had shown.

Drifter thinks about the question and hesitates.

"I'm not sure.", Drifter says honestly. He goes back to eating the soup, forcing himself at a steady pace.

"That's no good..You're always welcome to-"

"Stop.", Drifter interrupts Guardian.

"What?", Guardian asks confused.

"Stop doing that. I appreciate all of this but I can handle things on my own.", Drifter says.

"I do not doubt that. Life is a little easier with friends though.", Guardian says and Drifter feels his blood freeze. Friends? Oh no, what had he gotten himself into?

Drifter's stomach churns and he pushes the bowl away tentatively, unable to form a response.

"I'll sleep on the floor.", Drifter says.

"Nonsense, you're my guest. You can take the bed.", Guardian says.

"Thank you, but I'll be fine.", Drifter said stubbornly.

Guardian looked as if he were about to continue to argue but didn't.

"Alright. I'll get some blankets for you.", Guardian says.

Drifter lays down on top of three blankets with two on top of him next to Guardian's bed. The man looked as if he were already asleep but Drifter could tell that he was faking. Drifter forced himself to stay up for five more minutes, until the warmth and softness of the blankets soothed him and he fell into a deep sleep.

When he wakes up there is food on the table and Guardian is gone.

The two meet up plenty of times after this. Drifter often finds himself back into that same house, sometimes with Guardian there and sometimes with him not.

They exchange a few pieces of conversation and talk about the progress of finding all the modules.

Drifter found himself growing accustomed to the idea of having a friend. Guardian was polite and generous but also fierce and strong. That height that put him off before became something he grew to admire in the other. A pillar always came to mind. An unbreakable pillar.

"You have nightmares.", Guardian says one day. "Almost every night."

"Yes.", Drifter says as he looks down in embarrassment. He had always foolishly believed that Guardian hadn't noticed.

"Drinking tea helped with my nightmares. It doesn't always work but you should give it a try.", Guardian said as he opened up a cabinet and showed Drifter where the tea was. Drifter blinked in surprise. He didn't expect someone as strong like Guardian to have nightmares. But it just made him seem even stronger.

He and Guardian drink tea together many nights after that.

It was just all so strange and fresh. So off putting. He knew it was foolish to get attached. He would sometimes think how foolish it was of Guardian to get attached. There was always that guillotine dangling up above him. There was a chance that it would never go away, even with that perfect cell. One day he could be gone and Guardian would be alone once more. He wondered if Guardian knew. He wondered if it would change anything.

Despite these thoughts, he never wanted the other to go away. He was intoxicated with something, he knew it. Some weird concoction of Guardian's low rumbling voice mixed with the other's gentle but strong mannerisms. It made it impossible for Drifter to get him out of his head. He wasn't sure if he even wanted the other out of his head.

Sometimes when he'd go into that house and find it empty he'd take the Guardian's pillow and inhale the scent of the other. Tea and birch wood. Then he would cry. Cry for long hours as he felt something clouding over his mind that just wouldn't go away until he fell asleep.

One day after finding a bunch of modules in the north he found the Guardian's coat on the table. He looked around the house and outside to see if the man was nearby before wrapping himself up in the cloak and falling asleep on the bed.

When Drifter woke up he saw Guardian sitting by the table, staring at him with an unfamiliar look. Drifter felt his face heat up as he quickly untangled himself from the coat and handed it back to Guardian.

"I-I'm so sorry. I was just cold and didn't see you around and-"

"It's fine.", Guardian interrupts Drifter's sputtering. "It was honestly quite cute."

Drifter blinked at those words and felt his heart pound mercilessly in his chest. Guardian seemed just as surprised with is own words as the other was.

"A-Anyways.", Guardian says, "I found some more modules up North. It is quite cold up there so you can borrow my coat if you wish."

"Yes. I think I will.", Drifter forces out. His heart wouldn't stop that infernal rapid beating and he wondered if was part of his illness. Drifter wraps the coat around over his thin red coat and the two chat, both focusing on the coat in their heads.

It was little things such as this that would set off this churning of the stomach and fluttering of the heart for Drifter. After a while he managed to narrow it down in his head to Guardian. These things only happened when it related to the man. He was confused and a bit scared. Was his illness causing him to feel this way whenever he talked to the man? He didn't know.

He thought about asking Guardian about it but couldn't form the words to say what he was feeling. All that he knew was that he wanted to stay with the man for eternity.

It was when he made his way west that eternity shattered.

He had collected all the modules for north and east, so all he needed was to collect the ones from the west to move on to the south.

He hadn't seen Guardian in a day, and as usual the man occupied Drifter's mind.

So when Drifter saw Guardian up ahead, he couldn't help but smile.

"Guardian, I-", Drifter started but stopped when he saw Guardian doubled over, coughing up blood.

That strong pillar, so strong and tall was cracking right before his eyes.

His vision went hazy. All he could focus on was the blood splattered on the ground and that deep rumbling voice he had come to love making those horrid retching sounds.

He had always worried about himself not being there for Guardian, but now it might be just the opposite.

"Why didn't you tell me?", Drifter chokes out. His throat feels tight and his heart is beating a horrid beat. Not that comforting fluttering, but a tune akin to fear.

"I didn't want you to think I was using you, Drifter.", Guardian says. "I'm going to die soon, and I needed someone to finish getting all of the modules. I'll admit, it started off as a thing just to pass the torch on, but Drifter, you're very dear to me. We both have that guillotine hanging above us. You should understand."

"No. No, you can't have it.", Drifter chokes out. This was all wrong, everything was wrong. "Guardian, I'm going to find all the modules and find the perfect cell. When I do, we'll both be cured."

"Drifter..", Guardian says. Drifter knows that what he is saying is only a slight possibility. He knows that there's a chance that they would both die before then. But Guardian doesn't bring up the obvious.

They just hang on to that slight hope, embrace each other, and cry.


	2. Chapter 2

Drifter wanted to be true to the words that he told Guardian, so for the next five days he went out and searched for the modules with little to no rest.

He staved off a gnawing hunger with wild berries and lots of water and ignored the tired state of his mind. The only time he got some sleep was when he had those hallucinating fits and collapsed.

He would do it all again for Guardian though.

That rush of emotion that had been feather light and sat warmly in his chest now burned with something fierce. The frantic pulsing of his heart every time he thought of Guardian doubled over and tears formed in his eyes as he thought about a shattered eternity. He has clung on to Guardian for months now. He finally had a reason to live and keep trying besides the primal instinct of survival. To lose this last hope would surely kill him for sure.

"Drifter.", Guardian said one day to the other. They had both encountered by the warp pad in the westward side. "Please come home."

"Not yet, I'm almost done. Then I can go to the South and-"

"Drifter. The modules are not going to run away.", Guardian says.

"Yes I understand that, but you might!", Drifter blurts without meaning to. Guardian stands frozen before him and Drifter let's tears fall from his eyes.

"I can't lose you..I just can't.", Drifter says through the tears and Guardian bends down and brushes the tears away with his thumb.

"You will never truly lose me Drifter. I'll always be right behind you.", Guardian says with such earnestly that Drifter can't help but believe those words.

Drifter doesn't know what to say. He doesn't know how to explain to Guardian these feelings that he has been building up for so long. He felt incapable of forming the words that would tell Guardian just how important he was to Drifter. So he does something that he feels is right.

He looks at Guardian who is bending over slightly still, stands on his tiptoes, and kisses him.

It's not a long kiss. It's sweet and short; a peck on the lips. Yet it held so much emotion and intensity that it made Drifter dizzy.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do something you didn't wa-", Drifter says in a panic but is interrupted by Guardian crashing his lips against his.

Drifter had never kissed anyone before this day so he was uncertain on what exactly he was supposed to do. He let Guardian take lead and moved his lips against his. Guardian's lips were chapped and tasted slightly of blood and tea, but god were they great.

Drifter held his breath the whole time and pushed Guardian lightly away after a while so he could catch his breath.

"H-How do you hold your breath for that long?", Drifter asks and Guardian tilts his head in confusion before letting out a laugh.

"You don't have to hold your breath when you kiss Drifter.", Guardian says in between laughs and Drifter could feel his face heat up.

"Hey, that was my first time.", Drifter says defensively and Guardian stops laughing.

"You've really never kissed anyone before?", Guardian asks and Drifter shakes his head.

"Well, I guess we'll need to do lots of practice.", Guardian says with a smile and Drifter feels his heart flutter warmly inside of him.

Eternity might be taken away from them, but god did it feel like time stopped when Guardian kissed him.

The two do a lot more kissing after that day, along with cuddles, hugs, and everything Drifter could wish for. It felt like heaven to be with Guardian. All those weird feelings suddenly made sense and he grew to love them even more. He truly felt like he loved the man.

This love only motivated him more to find those modules. As true as it was that the time they shared was bliss, he wanted that time to last as long as it could. So he still continued to search for those modules that could lead him to that sweet cure, but he also spent as much time as possible with Guardian in between.

"I'm the luckiest man in the world to find such a grand treasure.", Guardian would say as he peppered kisses on Drifter's forehead or neck. This would always make Drifter flush. Here they were with the taste of blood in their mouths under that guillotine, and yet they both felt lucky together.

They both still felt lucky on those days where Guardian would stay in bed, struggling to breathe as blood coated his throat. Drifter would rub circles on his back and refuse to leave Guardian's side on those days. Drifter even felt lucky on those days where he would scream and break down because of those vivid hallucinations, because Guardian was always there to calm him down with soothing words and give Drifter water after he stopped coughing. What a haunting relationship they had; death always being the third wheel.

It was on the day that Drifter finished collecting the modules from the westward side that things began to change. Since the modules were in place he could then go southward and collect the last ones.

"I'm going to go upgrade my gun and get some supplies. A towns person said that he saw another key not too far east.", Drifter told Guardian.

"Alright, I'll head south and see if I can spot any modules.", Guardian told him.

"Are you sure? You didn't seem to be doing too fine last night.", Drifter said as he recalled the horrible coughs that kept them both awake the night before.

"Yes, I already feel better. Besides, we are so close.", Guardian said. Drifter was about to protest that Guardian should stay at home or at least stay by him, but he was stuck on the words spoken. So close to eternity. So close to a life where he never had to wonder if Guardian will come home everyday.

"Ok, but please head back if you feel bad though.", Drifter says.

"Who's fussing over who now?", Guardian says with a small laugh and Drifter remembers those words spoken on that rainy night so far away now. "Do not worry my love. We'll meet up in the South."

With those words they peck each other on the lips and go their separate ways.

Drifter goes into town and spares a few gearbits so the shop owner can add a greater ammo limit to his gun.

"It should take about two hours.", The owner said. Two hours seemed fine to Drifter. He could go get that key, grab the gun when he comes back, and meet Guardian in the South.

Drifter went on his way to get the key, only a few dirks standing in his way which meant the journey wasn't too long. When he grabbed the key however, something awful bubbled up inside of him. The familiar festering sizzled something fierce until it all came up and out of him. Blood splattered on the ground and the edges of his vision turned to a fuzzy static.

He waits patiently for the creature to stab through him like nothing, but it didn't. It just stares at him with that piercing eye that seemed to be mocking him. What the creature does next makes his blood freeze.

He sees Guardian from afar, all fuzzy and so far. Drifter thinks that maybe Guardian came to find him. That he was here to comfort him. He walks over to Guardian, his heart ringing in his ears to that tempo he despised. He opens his mouth to say words but nothing comes out but a scream as he watches that wretched dark creature pierce his beloved.

Guardian struggles, but to no avail. So much blood comes out of those chapped lips he had come to love so.

Drifter bangs his head with his hands.

"Please stop, please no.", He begs softly, unable to raise his voice. It felt like something had a tight grip on his lungs and was squeezing every breath away.

The vision softly cleared away but that picture stayed imprinted in his mind. With shaking legs, he runs back as fast as he could, mostly drifting all the way. He probably could have stopped and remembered that was a vision but nothing in his mind could form something rational in that state. He just needed to find Guardian immediately.

He ran past the gun shop without a second thought and straight to the Southern entrance. He tries to breathe and calm himself down but all that comes out is blood and shuddering breaths. He hoped that he was worrying over nothing. He hoped that he would rush in in his crazy state and Guardian would calm him and tell him that he was worrying over nothing.

But that deep rumbling voice wasn't heard. Instead the beeping of a med bot ringed.

"Guardian", He called out. The worst of fears lay before his eyes. Guardian, that strong pillar lay collapsed on the ground, blood splattered on those lips.

"Come on, we'll get you home. We'll get you some rest and water.", Drifter says through tears as he tries to pull Guardian back up to no avail.

"Drifter."

That deep rumbling voice was scratchy and labored.

"I don't think I'm getting back up this time."

"No, no, no. Please don't say that. We're so close. I need you.", Drifter says as he goes onto his knees next to Guardian and clutches onto his hand.

"Drifter. Thank you for everything.", Guardian says. A cough racks his body. "Please. Please promise me one thing."

"I won't promise you a thing. You have to get up, please." Drifter begged.

"I watched my family die. I watched so many people die. But Drifter, my love, I think the world would collapse if you died.", Guardian says through rasped breaths. "So you must promise me. Promise me you will not give up."

"No.", Drifter shakes his head. "How can I promise you such a thing when you're giving up right now? I won't be able to live without you. Oh god, I love you."

"Drifter. I always gave my all to stay alive with you. Even now I do so to talk to you. Our home is yours Drifter. Everything I leave is for you. Just please live.", Guardian says as he raises a shaking hand and wipes Drifter's tears away. "I love you Drifter."

A final breath is heaved and eyelids shut forever. And just like that eternity is broken. Drifter's world is torn apart. That pillar of hope has snapped in half and crumbled and Drifter's world came tumbling down.

"Please he begs. Oh god please.", Drifter begs with broken sobs. He screams until his voice is hoarse as he clutches onto the limp body.

Live on Guardian told him. Such a simple phrase yet it seemed impossible to Drifter. How can one survive when the sun is choked out of the sky? How can one live on when all their hope is brushed away like a burnt out candle.

He loved a dead man. And it was a fate worse than death.

He stayed with the body for hours, possibly days. Time was a haze for Drifter.

He got the coat off of Guardian and wrapped it around him tightly. That soft fabric that was comforting before was now heavy and suffocating with burdens he couldn't bear.

If only he had retrieved the modules faster. If only he didn't split up from Guardian. If only he wasn't so incompetent that he couldn't save the one that mattered the most.

What a silly thing it was for him to blame the aftermath of an illness on himself, but in his mind Guardian's blood coated his hands.

With shaky legs he got up and went home.

Home. That was not the word he would use to describe that quarter they once shared. Home had a deep rumbling voice that soothed him to sleep and washed his worries away. Home had strong gentle hands that held his own and kissed his lips. Home was a pillar, a hope, and a love. Drifter's home was worlds away now and he could never go back until the day he died.

He thought about that request of Guardian. To not give up. He knew exactly what Guardian meant by not giving up. Not giving up meant continuing on his quest and finding the remaining modules. Not giving up meant ignoring the emptiness this world has given him and grasping a lonely, and now limited eternity. But what if he didn't want to do this? What if he just wanted to mourn what was lost and wither away?

He did so the week after his hope crumbled in the South. He stayed in that barren house and layed on the bed that he and Guardian used to share. And he cried. He cried great heaving sobs until his voice was raw and he ran out of tears. Even after this he would still stay curled up in that ball, wishing that this was some long and played out illusion being fed to him.

Sometimes he would close his eyes when the exhaustion was too much to bear. The dreams ranged from pleasant smiles they had shared together to seeing Guardian crumble. Either way, he would wake up with a scream.

On one night however, his dream did not play out the same.

He saw Guardian from a distance. He stood still and strong from a little bit afar. It almost looked like he was waiting for something.

Drifter took tentative steps towards his lover. He knew how these dreams played out already. He'd tap Guardian on the shoulder or perhaps run and give him a great hug and Guardian would collapse. He'd crumble before him or cough up blood until he was dry. But how could Drifter refuse to touch Guardian once more? Even if it was in a dream or a nightmare, he'd never refuse.

But when he wrapped his arms around Guardian none of those things happened. Instead, strong arms wrapped around him and a kiss was planted on his forehead.

"I think I'm going to follow after you soon.", Drifter says. "I think that I may see you again. You won't have to wait any longer."

"Drifter, my heart, I'm not impatient. As a matter of fact, I'd prefer if you took a long time, because I would know that you are alive.", Guardian says softly.

"I don't think I am truly alive without you.", Drifter says.

"Now don't be silly. I'll always be with you. I've never left.", Guardian says and Drifter can't help but smile a little at those cheesy words. Even in a dream, Drifter calms down at every reassuring word Guardian says.

"And if the cell does work?", Drifter asks.

"Then I'll wait even longer.", Guardian says. "I'll happily wait longer."

"I love you.", Drifter says with such earnest.

"I love you too.", Guardian says as he kisses Drifter on the lips.

It isn't perfect, this arrangement that they made. Perhaps it was all in Drifter's head; the result of a dream rather than a ghost. But Drifter would take it.

When he wakes up he kicks the covers off of him, eats for the first time in days, and leaves the house with Guardian's coat wrapped around him and a shovel in his hand.

Guardian's body is still there by the entrance in the South, smelling of rot and decay. Drifter was definitely not strong or big enough to move Guardian's body so he makes a grave not too far from the road and drags Guardian into it. He carves Guardian's name onto a flat rock and puts it into the ground, marking the grave. He sits in front of the grave for a bit before getting up and moving deeper into the South.

Unlike all the other areas, the modules in the South were heavily guarded by strong creatures. This didn't stop Drifter though. He gave his all despite that dull aching pain in his heart and got each module up and running.

After he was done with the grueling task of getting the modules running, he could feel his heart pounding. This was it. It was time to see what fate had in store for him.

There were murmerings as he made his way to town. Nobody told him anything as he climbed aboard the now working elevator and went under.

He wondered what would await him as he descended down. Something such as a perfect cell seemed like something that would be heavily guarded. A feeling of unease built inside of him the further he made his way down.

He stepped down creaking stairs and walked across paths that wore down with age. A dark corridor seemed to illuminate with a fluorescent light that came from the other side. He looked and saw that perfect cell that taunted him in his visions. It singed a song of hope with it's unnatural light, and Drifter came to it like a moth to a flame.

He reached his hand out as he walked that path, still unsure if he would want to touch it. A life without blood spilling out of him seemed impossible, yet here it could lay before him. It was a life that Guardian deserved.

He stepped closer, but as soon as he stepped foot in the room, everything turned black. A static sound filled his ears that reminded him of a sickening laugh. He stood still as that creature from his every nightmare stood before him.

Drifter blinked and tried to calm down his breathing. This could very well be an illusion, but he still doesn't hesitate to strike the monster with his sword. And he feels the strike go through.

It's like swinging at a roaring wave. He could feel the pressure against his sword as it went through, but he could not tell if it actually amounted to any damage.

It angered him a little. This thing just wouldn't stop haunting him. It followed his every move. Even now when he has a chance to live it prohibits him from moving forward.

He dodges the flashes of energy the thing lets out, even sending some of them back with his sword.

No matter how discouraging it is, he keeps attacking.

Never give up. That's what Guardian begged him to promise on his dying breath. Drifter couldn't actually promise it in words at the time, but in his heart he did. For Guardian. He'd do anything for him, even it kept them apart longer.

And with a final drift and a final strike, the thing seemed to dissipate. It was gone, it was finally gone.

Drifter smiles a relieved smile. It felt as if a cloud that had surrounded him for so long had disappeared. He coughed, and through blood stained lips, he smiled.

"I did it Guardian.", He said as he touched the cell. "We did it, my love."

He touched that magic cell that drove his motivations for so long. This cell was the pieces of his hope, and Guardian had been the one to glue it all together. But now, Guardian was gone. And as he slowly realized that the cell was doing nothing he realized that all of his hope was drained away.

He coughed a terrible cough as the ceiling seemed to crumble around him. Blood oozed out of his mouth unrelentlessly. He looked down that dark corridor and saw that dog that always watched from the shadows. It nodded a short nod, as if to say thank you. It motioned for Drifter to follow him, and Drifter tried his best to through those awful coughs.

It lead him to a large room, with a fire lit up in the middle. He gripped the wall and slid down. He just needed to rest, just needed to rest.

The all knowing canine sat with him, watching as Drifter blinked as the ceiling fell around him. He blinked, and remembered that night in the pouring rain when Guardian invited him into his home. He closed his eyes and remembered the first kiss they had shared. His eyes stayed closed and his soul was whisked away as he remembered Guardian's last words.

"I love you"

Drifter opened his eyes and looked around him. A beautiful, pure light shone from above as he stood in that clear water.

He scanned the place, his mind looking for one thing until he spotted it. He smiled at the figure, stood on his tiptoes, and kissed those chapped lips.


End file.
